Fixing Australia Post's handiwork
Recently I had the misfortune to receive two shipments from Australia Post containing lp records. Aside from being expensive and appallingly slow to deliver anything, even across town, Australia Post shows a complete indifference, or perhaps malicious intent, for the welfare of the parcels in its care. In both cases the records have arrived bent like bananas after having been squashed by other parcels.
The first lp was a record by The Fall which was warped, but still just playable. I contacted the seller and they gave me a partial refund. The second lp arrived completely warped out of shape to the point it would not play at all. Needless to say I was most displeased to have this happen again. I consulted the AustPost website to see what was ahead of me in terms of making a claim. It was possible, but it barely seemed the trouble. The seller offered to send me through another copy, but I didn't think it fair that a small record shop should have to cover the cost of AustPost's negligence. I therefore thought I would try and straighten the record before making a claim.
As one does, I consulted the internets to see what methodology I ought to employ. It comes down to about three:
- Heat the record between two sheets of glass at about a temperature of 80 degrees for 10 minutes or so
- Press the record down with some heavy books
- Don't warp the record in the first place.
I immediately ruled out option three as I had passed that point. There were conflicting opinions on option one and it looked risky. The videos I watched seemed to work okay, but others cautioned against this approach. I thought I would adopt a cautious approach and try option 2 - weigh the record down with some heavy books.
From the picture above you can see there was nothing scientific about my approach. I looked about the house for some weighty tomes and placed them on the record. All up the books weighed 11.4 kgs. After about three days I started to see some results and the record was noticeably straightening. Encouraged by these early results I persevered with the method and left it another week.
After another check things were looking good, however there was still a noticeable bend. I decided to try a variation on the methodology as can be seen in the next photo.
I positioned the record in between two books and above the desk. I then placed a single book on top of the record against the "warp" in the record. I did this in one day intervals and checked my progress. This was quite successful and after a few days most of the warp was gone. A test on the turntable showed the record was now playable. It's not perfect and the record's value is nothing, but I don't care about that sort of thing. As long as I can play the record I'm happy.
So what is that record you say? It's the self-titled Purple Mountains album from 2019 and to these ears it is one of the best releases of recent years. A certifiable classic. Unfortunately there is a lot of tragedy associated with this record with the early passing of its creator David C. Berman - one of the finest lyricists of any generation. I highly recommend this album. Until next time - peace and love.
